I hurt

My soul aches... and for now it can't be healed. For now I'm tormented by life, by my emotions and by injustices done.

I'll survive though. Through my faith. Through Prayer. Through my love of God.

It's been a hellish 2 weeks. I'd rather just leave it at that, You all know me, (I'm the loud mouth.. say it like it is and get it done kinda gal)
But I can't share with you what I really want to. I can't share with you how badly my heart hurts. I can only try to explain in as few words possible.

My beautiful friends, sisters, and brothers in faith, I have YOU to thank for your prayers, for your comforting words. For your belief that all wrongs will be righted in our Fathers name.

Yes indeed, it will. Amen.

We suffered a tragedy, a heart breaking tragedy in October. One that will not soon be forgotten, not with the family nor with all involved.

I learned a lot today, as I sat and listened to a wonderful man speak., I learned, how to cherish what I have within my family, and NOT take it for granted. I have you know. Taken it for granted.
I have failed miserably, heck I'm not the perfect Christian. But I TRY. My faith, and my love for God has gotten me through.

God has the right to change ones actions. He can change whatever is meant to be, at any given time.
Yet this time, he chose to let it happen.
I don't blame God, I'm not angry with him, because he knew what that person would choose. He's known us even before time, our names, our every hurt, our every struggle, our every joy, our every accomplishment,

He made our roads for us, and gave us free will. Because HE LOVES US. He loves us enough to see us struggle and hurt so he can come to the rescue with his warm loving arms around our shoulders, bringing comfort to all that fail. He lifts us up and carries us through the trials.

I'm being carried. Sure I fought against it. In the beginning. I was MAD, HURT, ANGRY, SAD, and I cried like a baby.
I mean I fell to my knees and cried. I raised my hands to Heaven and asked WHY?
WHY this?
WHY
WHY
WHY

And he was silent. I begged for an answer. I asked him, HOW CAN YOU CRUSH ME LIKE THIS?
How can you do this?
WHY
WHY
WHY

I wiped the tears, and prayed. I leaned on him. For he is my savior, my love, my guide, my protector.

I learned something new today..

I learned life is short. I learned how much people love one another by a simple action.

I learned too, how shady some can be. I learned, I have a wonderful family.

I learned to love again, in a different light.

I learned not to be angry with people for choosing the path they chose.

I learned to live, and walk in faith again.

I learned to listen more and talk less. (this is NO longer about ME)

I learned today, November 5th 2009, That my beautiful son Daniel finally became a man. and took to heart what he truly has. His blinders came off and he listened, and cried with me. As a FAMILY DOES.

I held onto my boys Jeremiah and Daniel as I walked, tears streaming down my cheeks, that life can deal you some pretty horrible things, but in those horrible deeds of others, a boy grew up.

They rocked me like a baby, each son bringing me comfort, each boy praying with me through this event.
And WE ALL GREW.

I lost so much these last few weeks. I lost and God gained. Yes, I'm jealous, it's my human nature to be jealous of someones gain and my loss.

And to my sisters, Tammy, Gwen, Angie, Shana, Justine, you have brought comfort to me as only sisters could.

To my mommy, I love you, and to my sister April, as our tears flowed, you brought me joy and giggles.
Memories of  times past, of a person who made a room smile when he laughed. The memories of us being kids, playing, fighting, laughing, eating, stealing each others clothing,
The HAIR CUTS, *smiles through my tears.
The gear shift.
The movies.
The prayer at the table. Holding hands.

I lost, and another gained.


To my family...We will prevail. We have God, We have our Faith. We have Each other.

Matthew 5:2-12
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.




I haven't had much time to read your blogs, and for this I'm sorry.
The lack of comments, love, hugs, and blessings here in Blog Land doesn't mean I don't send them spiritually.
You are all in my prayers.
I hope to get caught up soon. But for now.. I have NO will to be social, (I'm sorry)
My heart aches, and my soul hurts.
I hope and pray you all understand.

You have been my prayer warriors. Keep PRAYING. WE NEED IT,

I LOVE YOU

Prayer

I've been horrible with blogging lately and owe you all an apology,  

*I'm SORRY*

Things are kind of tough right now.. and I ask you keep my family in your prayers.


Just know I think of you all everyday. I LOVE YOU